Why You Feel Like You Should Be Doing More for God

Have you ever noticed how often the word “should” shows up when you think about your relationship with God?

I should pray more.
I should read my Bible more.
I should be more consistent.
I should spend more time with God.
I should be serving more.
I should know more Scripture by now.
I should be farther along in my faith than I am.

And when you’re a woman who genuinely loves God, those thoughts can sound perfectly reasonable.

After all, what could possibly be wrong with wanting to pray more, read Scripture more consistently, or grow closer to God?

Nothing.

Those are good desires.

But there’s an important question we rarely stop long enough to ask:

Who told you what your faith should look like?

Because sometimes the pressure we feel in our relationship with God isn’t coming from God at all.

Sometimes it comes from all the expectations we have accumulated about what a “good Christian woman” is supposed to do.

Hi, I’m DeneenTB, Faith Growth & Work Alignment Strategist™ and creator of the Faith Design Profile™.

I help busy Christian women stop forcing spiritual routines that don’t fit and discover personalized ways to grow closer to God so their faith can fuel their work, leadership, and everyday lives.

If you’ve ever wondered why certain ways of connecting with God seem natural for other women but difficult for you, my free Faith Shape Quiz is a great place to start.

It will help you begin identifying how you may naturally connect with God through your Heart, Soul, Mind, or Strength.

woman with all the voices telling her what to do

Where Did Your Spiritual “Shoulds” Come From?

Think about how you learned what a growing Christian is supposed to do.

Maybe you grew up in a church where you were taught to have a daily quiet time.

Maybe someone taught you that the best time to meet with God was first thing in the morning.

Maybe you watched another woman fill beautiful prayer journals and thought, I should be doing that.

Maybe you heard someone talk about reading through the Bible every year and wondered why you could never seem to stick with it.

Maybe a teacher, pastor, mentor, Bible study leader, author, podcast host, or social media influencer showed you a spiritual practice that transformed her relationship with God.

And because it worked for her, you assumed it was what you should be doing too.

None of those things are necessarily bad.

In fact, many of them can be wonderful ways to grow.

The problem begins when we turn:

“This is one way I can connect with God”

into:

“This is what a faithful Christian should do.”

Those are two very different statements.

woman working and trying to keep up with it all

We Can Turn Good Practices Into Spiritual Measuring Sticks

Prayer matters.

Scripture matters.

Worship matters.

Serving others matters.

Community matters.

There are practices and commands in Scripture that are part of following Jesus. Personalizing your faith doesn’t mean deciding that biblical truth no longer applies to you.

But Scripture gives us much more freedom in how we live many of these things out than we sometimes give ourselves.

For example, the Bible calls us to pray.

But does that mean your prayer life has to look exactly like the woman who wakes up at 5:00 every morning, lights a candle, opens her prayer journal, and spends an uninterrupted hour with God?

No.

The Bible calls us to meditate on God’s Word.

But does that mean the only evidence that you’re serious about Scripture is completing a particular reading plan every morning?

No.

The Bible calls us to worship.

But worship can involve much more than singing songs during a church service.

This is where a good spiritual practice can quietly become a spiritual measuring stick.

Instead of asking:

“Am I growing closer to God?”

we start asking:

“Am I doing what a good Christian woman is supposed to do?”

And those aren’t necessarily the same question.

woman listening and thinking she needs to be doing more

What Happens When You Can’t Keep Up With the “Shoulds”?

This is where the cycle gets exhausting.

You decide you’re going to do better.

You start the Bible plan.
You buy the journal.
You set the alarm.
You make the commitment.

And for a while, you’re doing it.

Then work gets demanding.

Someone in your family needs you.

You travel.

You get tired.

Your schedule changes.

Or maybe you simply discover that the practice everyone else seems to love doesn’t actually help you connect with God very well.

So you stop.

And then the “shoulds” come back.

I should be more disciplined.

I should be more consistent.

I should try harder.

And eventually you start again.

Not necessarily because God invited you back into that particular rhythm, but because you feel guilty that you aren’t doing it.

That’s one reason we can spend years starting over in our faith without ever asking whether the thing we’re trying to restart actually fits how God designed us to grow.

women thinking she has to be a certain way to be a Christian

Try This: Identify the “Should”

Here’s something I want you to do.

Finish this sentence:

“A good Christian woman should __________.”

Don’t overthink it.

What comes to mind first?

She should read her Bible every day?
She should pray every morning?
She should attend every church activity?
She should volunteer more?
She should always feel close to God?
She should know more Scripture?
She should be able to balance faith, family, work, ministry, and everything else without struggling?

Now ask yourself:

Where did I learn that?

Was it something Scripture actually requires?

Was it something someone taught me?

Was it something I saw modeled?

Was it something that worked beautifully for another woman?

Or is it an expectation I created for myself?

That distinction matters.

Because some of your “shoulds” may be rooted in biblical truth.

Others may simply be methods, traditions, preferences, or expectations that you’ve mistaken for requirements.

What If You Replaced “Should” With a Better Question?

Instead of asking:

“What should I be doing?”

try asking:

“How is God inviting me to grow?”

That question changes the conversation.

It moves you away from comparison and toward discernment.

Away from copying and toward intentionality.

Away from proving that you’re a good Christian and toward actually walking with God.

And it gives you permission to explore something many Christian women have never been taught to consider:

God may have designed you to connect with Him differently than the woman sitting next to you.

Not differently from biblical truth.

Differently in the ways you engage with that truth.

You may connect deeply with God through relationships and compassion.

You may experience Him through beauty, reflection, creativity, or quiet.

You may come alive when you’re studying Scripture, asking questions, and understanding truth more deeply.

Or you may connect with God most naturally while serving, moving, building, leading, or putting your faith into action.

That’s part of what I call your Faith Design.

Your Design Doesn’t Excuse You From Growth, It Helps You Grow

This is an important distinction.

Understanding your Faith Design isn’t about saying:

“That’s just not how I’m wired, so I don’t have to do it.”

It’s about understanding where you naturally connect with God and how He may be inviting you to grow beyond what’s natural.

Your design gives you a starting place.

It helps you recognize the rhythms that can support your relationship with God instead of constantly fighting against your real life.

And once you understand that, you can stop asking:

“Why can’t I do faith like her?”

and begin asking:

“What could growing with God look like for me?”

If you’re not sure, start with the free Faith Shape Quiz. It will introduce you to the four ways of connecting with God that I describe as Heart, Soul, Mind, and Strength.

And if you’re ready to go deeper than the quiz, that’s exactly why I created the Faith Design Profile™ Experience.

Your Profile goes beyond identifying a single faith style. We look at your unique design and help you understand how you connect with God, where tension may be showing up in your spiritual life, and the personalized rhythms that can support your growth in this season.

woman with head bowed trying to figure out her next move

You Don’t Have to Carry Every “Should”

There will always be another Bible plan.

Another devotional.

Another prayer method.

Another spiritual discipline someone tells you changed her life.

Some of them may become meaningful parts of your faith.

Others may not.

The goal isn’t to do everything.

And it isn’t to build the most impressive spiritual routine.

The goal is to walk closely with God.

So the next time you hear yourself saying:

I should be doing more…

stop for a moment.

Ask:

Who told me my faith should look like this?

Then ask an even better question:

God, how are You inviting me to grow with You right now?

Because the expectations shaping your faith may not have come from God.

And releasing the ones He never asked you to carry may give you the space to recognize the growth He actually is inviting you into.

I’d love to hear from you:

What’s one spiritual “should” you’ve carried that has made you feel like you weren’t doing enough for God?

Be filled to overflowing,

DeneenTB